the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she told me i tasted like america
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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