good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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