my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
