The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
