So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
