I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
