My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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