Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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