So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
