that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
