they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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