I want to have your abortion
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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