Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
