just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize