Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize