Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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