how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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