i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
