wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
