The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think i have herpe
just one?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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