you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
