I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
