Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
