You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
