Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
