I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
