What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
