we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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