Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
