..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
her vagine was all disorganized.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
