my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize