I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
