her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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