we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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