Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
