Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
