I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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