Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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