Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i would punch a child for taco bell
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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