so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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