Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
