mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize