When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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