just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
