I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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