eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
