i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
