it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize