Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
