I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
