I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
