His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
