She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
