blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize