2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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