I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
