I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
