Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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