great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize