Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
