Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize