he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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