i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
