I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
