And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize