Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
