i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
