He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
