I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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