hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
