she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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