ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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